I don't know about you, but I often feel like I am falling short as a mom. My to do list is long.The things I would love to do for my kids is even longer. My desires for their lives and my husbands life is even longer. I regularly feel as though there is no way I, as one person, one wife, one mom, can ever fill the gaps. Sometimes I feel as though I am drowning. Drowning in a pool of to do's, to be's with no life preserver to save me. Last week was a week I almost let the deep issues cover me.
This weekend we had a small family get away. We spent most of our day in the pool. I enjoyed having this time to relax and reflect. But also while surrounded by water and flying bouncy balls, I felt the pressure of my tasks looming in the week ahead. I know the things I missed this week. I know the work I had left undone. I knew the areas I had probably let my kids down. The feelings ran over me just like the water around me as I sunk underneath. I felt my duties as mom and wife were deeper than the water beneath me.
As I treaded water I looked at my husband while he began swimming. I can read him like a book. I could almost look in his heart and see his desire. He desires to be a better swimmer. I think he is swimming wonderfully. He has come such a long way. Having never swam as a kid, he has grown by leaps and bounds as an adult, or should I say strokes and dives. I suddenly realized while watching him plunge beneath the blue water that really I have one very important task as a wife and a mom everyday. To be a supporter and encourager to my family. The weight I had just moments earlier began to ease a little. Instead of intensely treading water I felt as though I were floating on my back, releasing my heavy load." I can do this God, I can be an encourager. Show me what my husband needs. Show me what my kids need. Show me how to build them up."
When my hubby popped up out of the water I told him, " So when are you going to sign up for those swim classes? You can do this honey. You can take your challenge and grow and become the swimmer you want to be. I will go with you, we can do it as a family if you want!" " Yes, we need to do that." My husband replied.
I hope to sign up soon for classes spurring him on toward the butterfly stroke, the breaststroke, the side stroke, back stroke, and any other stroke he wants to do.
In the pool I let go of some very high expectations of myself. I looked around from my husband to my kids and just prayed. "Show me what they need and help me to spur them on toward that Lord." I still don't know what a couple family members need, but I am asking God to help me and show me. To take this mom and wife thing one day at a time. To give myself grace in the gaps I leave and like my husband, to learn to stroke better and better every time I get in the water.
Lord, I cannot do this mom thing, this wife thing without you. I desperately need you. There is so much to do and the clock seems to tick everyday. Instead of feeling like I am drowning, show me to glide toward you on life's water. Help me to flip over on my back from time to time and relax and get refreshed. Help me to see the needs of my family so I can spur them on toward their goals and dreams. So I can be their encourager. I am already in the pool, so give me the ability to swim well, Amen.
I didn't realize at first that you were a homeschooling mom. Me, too. It is hard, isn't it? Because we are our greatest critics.
ReplyDeleteI just wrote a post a lot like this called Stop Trying So Hard at myimpressionisticlife.blogspot.com. I can relate. Wish we moms could accept our limitations and live in God's grace and power more easily. I keep trying to learn this one. I said a prayer for you, too.
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