The older my kids become the more differences I can see in each of them, starting with music. I am trying as a parent to tune in to their station. Not so they think I am the, " cool mom!" Not so I fit in with the teenage crowd, ( cause let's face it ,that is not going to happen.) But I do it especially for a reason. To know them, to encourage them, and to rejoice in their separate differences.
He scoots in the front seat of the car, slams the door and I know. I know the radio is no longer mine, it's his. I pull out with a sigh as my tunes fade in the past and his tunes drown out the future. Then just as I think I might be enjoying a particular song , his fingers grab the knob and switch it faster than I can blink. He is on to the next song and the next. Back and forth we go until we arrive at our driving destination. My oldest son knows all the artists names, he is up to date on the latest and greatest.
But why am I surprised?
He is always on the go. Always hanging out with the guys !He is likable by most everyone that meets him. He is interested in different people and is kind to those that are not exactly like him in personality. He blends in well , even in a diverse group. He is easy to talk to and hang out with.He is interested in names and concerns and cares of others. He flips easily from one station of friends to another, he cares about them all. This is his station, the one I am so privileged to listen to as he grows into a man.
When my daughter however, has the remote in the living room and I see the Pandora option on the TV screen, I know. I know where she is headed. It will be something Irish or something Michael Buble. We hop to our feet and usually start dancing. I love hearing her laugh and watching her goof off. Her brothers usually roll their eyes as we roll across the dance ( living room ) floor. It is not what they want to hear. But my daughters heart finds great joy in the music she loves. We make eye contact over smiles and funky moves.I love holding her hands swinging like a wanna be dance star and just loving who she is.
But why am I surprised.
She loves to laugh. She listens to the words and tunes of her songs, just like she listens to peoples hearts. She moves others.She is very interested in details of the heart, not just surface issues. It is not enough to tell her you are okay. She looks in your eyes and knows and then she asks and investigates until she knows the truth. Her heart rings out just like the Irish violin or the soothing tones of Buble himself. This is her station, the one I am so privileged to listen to as she grows into a young woman.
Tonight we dropped our older two off at youth group. I flipped off my oldest son's music that was still blaring and booming up a beat. " Hey son" I said to my 12 year old." How about we find a country station , what do ya think." I find I have to make the first move with the music dial. He doesn't push his way and usually let's others, his older siblings included, go first. He is a boy with manners and is very polite.Titus has been my greatest surprise in music selections. No one, I repeat no one in our family likes country. Yet he has become a country music lover. Anything Johnny Cash and classical country lights up his face. I rarely hear him singing , but when I do it is because country is on the station.
But why am I surprised?
I have had the privileged of watching this young mans love for fishing , hunting and outdoor events. I have seen his growing interest in raising chickens and having a blast on his friends ranch when he is invited. He even had a slight crush on a cowgirl recently.He sticks up for others and speaks his mind. He is not easily intimidated and he holds his own. He is a protector of his mom and sister, and might I add anyone who would need his help. I love that this is him. This is his station , the one I am so privileged to listen to as he grows into a young man.
Even though they are all apart of this family they are unique individuals, designed by a loving God for a special purpose.
We are all different aren't we? If we admit it as moms there are personalities and differences in our families that drive us nuts. But what a boring home, full of one single flare of music, we would have without diversity. We may even find as we get to know the members of our household that we like the freshest tunes, the Irish ring or the country, boot kickin , blaze that comes through our station when these special kids are around. We can grrrr and growl when our personal station flips, or we can rejoice that our kids are special individuals. Set apart for a dance, swing, Irish jig or country line dance of their own someday. It is just one more reason to rejoice in the wonderful people God has made and placed around us. This beautiful song called family. Now that is a station worth listening to!
I Corinthians 12:4-6
4Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; 5and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; 6and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone.
I love these verses, don't you ? I want to encourage you to read all of chapter 12. It's a beautiful reminder as to how we are all apart of the body, we are all unique and individually important. We are all different in Gods family, just like we are different in our own individual families. Is there someone in your family or Gods family that annoys you, rubs you wrong or you just do not " click " with. This chapter has been a great reminder to me that we all belong to God in Christ. He is working on each of us, that's for sure. None of us have arrived. I am so glad he uses us with all our different personalities, corks and gifts as well. We belong to Him, but we do not all talk, act and sound alike. Our commonality is Christ. Is there a person at home, work or church we could stop and listen to with this perspective in mind?
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
In Real Life... Apply the 80/20 Rule to Your Teenager
" I know what you mean !" I said, sipping a hazelnut latte, while discussing our kids. "Sometimes I have to remind myself, he's only 17, he's only 17!" I didn't stop there, I went on.But not before another sip of course. " I took a math class with him last semester, that was stressful ! " I now said, laughing a little." Let me tell you , he can talk a big game , but he lacks discipline in studying."
Right about then the man sitting across from my husband and I said, " Well, I don't care what you both say. I think your son is a great kid. He is always respectful to me and polite. Let me tell you that kid has a lot going for him." I sat there kind of stunned and a bit embarrassed. I know my son has great qualities and there I was harping on the few that had gotten on my nerves these last couple of months. I knew the wonderful things about my son as well, I just was choosing to discuss the flaws instead.
After our dinner that night I thought about it.I had plenty of time to think anyways since I had downed a latte at 9 pm. My heart was beating to my caffeine drum, but also to conviction. My focus was way off. What was I looking for, perfection? Looking in my own mom mirror I new that was not attainable for me. So then, how could I expect my teen , or anyone in my family for that matter to try to attain it.
I wandered out in the living room and gave my son a hug before heading to bed, "I'm so proud of you!", I said with my head nudged in his armpit. That seems to be where I fit lately, since he keeps growing and I don't. I wanted to be here, under his arm, smells and all. I was so proud of my teen. I wanted to see the 80 percent. Everyone else see's it, it would be a shame if he remembers his mom only harping on the 20.
The next night at ladies Bible study our pastors wife stood up and shared this quote by Lars Gren, husband of Elizabeth Elliot.
“A wife, if she is very generous, may allow that her husband lives up to
perhaps eighty percent of her expectations. There is always the other twenty
percent that she would like to change, and she may chip away at it for the
whole of their married life without reducing it by very much. She may, on the
other hand, simply decide to enjoy the eighty percent, and both of them will be happy.”
"Here is my challenge to all of the wives out there: meditate on the 80%. Most of the time we focus so much on what our husbands are not doing or what we'd like to change, that we miss the 80%. We married them for the 80%. Let celebrate that. "
The quote was fitting since we were discussing as women how to be husband and children likers . I knew this quote was directed toward wives. However, in my heart I felt a nudge, sitting on my metal fold up chair , I knew I had to also apply it to my ever growing, learning and maturing teenager.
There is 80 percent of my son that blows me away.He is caring, extremely funny, a great friend, hard worker and polite to others. Yet, as his mom I tend to zoom in on the 20 percent. As a mom I need to change. I long to appreciate the 80 percent. I was thankful for this quote to stir me, and a man eating gelato across from me , to remind me. In Real Life, I need to apply the 80/20 rule to my teenager.
Dear Lord,
Thank you for teenagers. Thank you for my teenager. Thank you for the 80 percent that he is doing well. I am so proud of him. May I encourage him in the 20 percent , but never focus so much on it that I forget the 80. I am so thankful to be a mom. To have this teen in my care. Lord change my heart. Thank you that I need grace too. I have 20 percent mess and flaws. I would want others to see the 80 in me and not nag at the 20. I extend this same grace I long for to my son. Help me to apply the 80/20 rule to my teenager.
Right about then the man sitting across from my husband and I said, " Well, I don't care what you both say. I think your son is a great kid. He is always respectful to me and polite. Let me tell you that kid has a lot going for him." I sat there kind of stunned and a bit embarrassed. I know my son has great qualities and there I was harping on the few that had gotten on my nerves these last couple of months. I knew the wonderful things about my son as well, I just was choosing to discuss the flaws instead.
After our dinner that night I thought about it.I had plenty of time to think anyways since I had downed a latte at 9 pm. My heart was beating to my caffeine drum, but also to conviction. My focus was way off. What was I looking for, perfection? Looking in my own mom mirror I new that was not attainable for me. So then, how could I expect my teen , or anyone in my family for that matter to try to attain it.
I wandered out in the living room and gave my son a hug before heading to bed, "I'm so proud of you!", I said with my head nudged in his armpit. That seems to be where I fit lately, since he keeps growing and I don't. I wanted to be here, under his arm, smells and all. I was so proud of my teen. I wanted to see the 80 percent. Everyone else see's it, it would be a shame if he remembers his mom only harping on the 20.
The next night at ladies Bible study our pastors wife stood up and shared this quote by Lars Gren, husband of Elizabeth Elliot.
“A wife, if she is very generous, may allow that her husband lives up to
perhaps eighty percent of her expectations. There is always the other twenty
percent that she would like to change, and she may chip away at it for the
whole of their married life without reducing it by very much. She may, on the
other hand, simply decide to enjoy the eighty percent, and both of them will be happy.”
"Here is my challenge to all of the wives out there: meditate on the 80%. Most of the time we focus so much on what our husbands are not doing or what we'd like to change, that we miss the 80%. We married them for the 80%. Let celebrate that. "
The quote was fitting since we were discussing as women how to be husband and children likers . I knew this quote was directed toward wives. However, in my heart I felt a nudge, sitting on my metal fold up chair , I knew I had to also apply it to my ever growing, learning and maturing teenager.
There is 80 percent of my son that blows me away.He is caring, extremely funny, a great friend, hard worker and polite to others. Yet, as his mom I tend to zoom in on the 20 percent. As a mom I need to change. I long to appreciate the 80 percent. I was thankful for this quote to stir me, and a man eating gelato across from me , to remind me. In Real Life, I need to apply the 80/20 rule to my teenager.
Dear Lord,
Thank you for teenagers. Thank you for my teenager. Thank you for the 80 percent that he is doing well. I am so proud of him. May I encourage him in the 20 percent , but never focus so much on it that I forget the 80. I am so thankful to be a mom. To have this teen in my care. Lord change my heart. Thank you that I need grace too. I have 20 percent mess and flaws. I would want others to see the 80 in me and not nag at the 20. I extend this same grace I long for to my son. Help me to apply the 80/20 rule to my teenager.
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