In Real Life... Apply the 80/20 Rule to Your Teenager

              " I know what you mean !" I said, sipping a hazelnut latte, while discussing our kids. "Sometimes I have to remind myself, he's only 17, he's only 17!"  I didn't stop there, I went on.But not before another sip of course. " I took a math class with him last semester, that was stressful ! " I now said, laughing a little." Let me tell you , he can talk a big game , but he lacks discipline in studying."
               Right about then the man sitting across from my husband and I said, " Well, I don't care what you both say. I think your son is a great kid. He is always respectful to me and polite. Let me tell you that kid has a lot going for him." I sat there kind of stunned and a bit embarrassed. I know my son has great qualities and there I was harping on the few that had gotten on my nerves these last couple of months. I knew the wonderful things about my son as well, I just was choosing to discuss the flaws instead.
              After our dinner that night I thought about it.I had plenty of time to think anyways since I had downed a latte at 9 pm. My heart was beating to my caffeine drum, but also to conviction.  My focus was way off. What was I looking for, perfection? Looking in my own mom mirror I new that was not attainable for me. So then, how could I expect my teen , or anyone in my family for that matter to try to attain it.
             I wandered out in the living room and  gave my son a hug before heading to bed, "I'm so proud of you!", I said with my head nudged in his armpit. That seems to be where I fit lately, since he keeps growing and I don't. I wanted to be here, under his arm, smells and all. I was so proud of my teen. I wanted to see the 80 percent. Everyone else see's it, it would be a shame if he remembers his mom only harping on the 20.
             The next night at ladies Bible study our pastors wife stood up and shared this quote by Lars Gren, husband of Elizabeth Elliot. 

“A wife, if she is very generous, may allow that her husband lives up to
 perhaps eighty percent of her expectations. There is always the other twenty
 percent that she would like to change, and she may chip away at it for the               
 whole of their married life without reducing it by very much. She may, on the
 other hand, simply decide to enjoy the eighty percent, and both of them will be happy.”
"Here is my challenge to all of the wives out there:  meditate on the 80%.  Most of the time we focus so much on what our husbands are not doing or what we'd like to change, that we miss the 80%.  We married them for the 80%.  Let celebrate that. "
         The quote was fitting since we were discussing as women how to be husband and children likers . I knew this quote was directed toward wives. However, in my heart I felt a nudge, sitting on my metal fold up chair , I knew I had to also apply it to my ever growing, learning and maturing teenager.
            There is 80 percent of my son that blows me away.He is caring, extremely funny, a great friend, hard worker and polite to others. Yet, as his mom I tend to zoom in on the 20 percent. As a mom I need to change. I long to appreciate the 80 percent. I was thankful for this quote to stir me, and a man eating gelato across from me , to remind me. In Real Life, I need to apply the 80/20 rule to my teenager.

Dear Lord,
Thank you for teenagers. Thank you for my teenager. Thank you for the 80 percent that he is doing well. I am so proud of him. May I encourage him in the 20 percent , but never focus so much on it that I forget the 80. I am so thankful to be a mom. To have this teen in my care. Lord change my heart. Thank you that I need grace too. I have 20 percent mess and flaws. I would want others to see the 80 in me and not nag at the 20. I extend this same grace I long for to my son. Help me to apply the 80/20 rule to my teenager.